The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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