Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
