lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
