ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
