He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
