I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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