Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
