lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
