STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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