i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
