dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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