Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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