Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
