she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
