$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
