now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
