Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Too much gin, very little bucket
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
