so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize