You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
