That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
