I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Life is so much better after having sex.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
