Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
