If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
