Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
