You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
