now i know why i became what i already was.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
