True but thats because hes a fetus.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
