IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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