Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
