You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
