i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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