Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
