"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
