Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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