the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
