i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
