Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
