Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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