that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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