Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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