So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
