I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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