i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
