I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
