I heard we made out
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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