Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
