i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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