I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
