What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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