He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
