Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
