hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
