oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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