Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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