im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
