Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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