So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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