uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
