clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He did a backflip because drugs
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