Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
