meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
