Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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