Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize