I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
