Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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