she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
