I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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