Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
