I didn't shave. On purpose
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
