I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
