I wannas sexs uuuuu
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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